October 21, 2008 - Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

These last few weeks have been like a roller coaster, with ups and downs and twists and turns, and has left me clinging to anything and everything I can reach for support. I have had to make so many decisions recently that have pushed my settled feeling out of the picture and I am once again stuck in square one, struggling to get my life, or at least the next few months, worked out. I am convinced that God is pushing my decision making capabilities as far as they can possibly as a test, in order to cure me of my indecisiveness. So far I have not been capable of coming to a decision that I am fully satisfied with, so my indecisiveness is still here loud and strong. In the past few weeks, though, I have come to rely heavily on certain people I feel close enough to talk to, as well as music. The right music can provide me with so much inspiration and helps me settle my feelings and thoughts in order to read them and interpret them the best I am capable of. The problem, of course, is finding the right music. Luckily for me, though, I have found the perfect music to help me and keep me going, holding my hand and leading me through these tests.
The first thing that knocked me off my tracks this month was finding and moving into a new apartment with an American friend from class. The apartment is beautiful and furnished, which means less things to stress about in order to feel settled. However, we had to front a significantly large sum of money in order to get the apartment. If that were not enough, we then had to find a way to install internet and cable into the apartment in the most economically favorable way possible. Finally, as of yesterday, all these problems have been solved, making feeling settled much easier. We also have been in search of a third person for the apartment, as it is a three bedroom place, in order to split the costs between three instead of two. We were most fortunate this week to find a girl that works at our university from Belarus to fill the empty room. Fortunately, after clearing all these lists of tasks from our to-do lists, we are many steps closer to feeling settled in our new beautiful apartment.
Another thing that has been a very significant element of stress for me has been trying to figure out what I will be doing next semester. The original plan was to stay here for two semesters, the first semester in a private university taking some classes in English and some in Spanish in order to submerge myself slowly in the language rather than diving in the deep end, and go to the public university for the second semester, taking only courses in Spanish. This concrete plan was liquefied when I had a scare from my university in Canada. This scare was that I was not sure if I would be able to finish all the required courses necessary to finish my degree in the last two semesters I would have on my return from this year of study abroad, due to the fact that they all may not be offered in those two semesters. After, thankfully, clearing this up with my university and setting my original plan back in stone, another option for the next semester was thrown into the mix. This other option was an internship at the Baha'i Office of External Affairs in Washington DC for January to April. I read over the information on the internship and, it being work experience in a field focused on topics identical to my future career interests. I applied immediately, without haste, for it would be an amazing opportunity and would excellent on a resume. Unfortunately, this amazing opportunity makes a mess of my plans already firmly in place.
Due to this possible change of plan for my next semester as well as other circumstance, my concrete plans for winter break have now also started to crumble. My original plan was to go to India with some girl friends from secondary school to attend the wedding of one of our friends. I had booked a ticket to be in India for over a month, leaving about a week after school ended (in which time I would take a trip to Haiti with some of my classmates) for the semester and returning in the middle of January. Now, with an uncertain internship opportunity in the mix, these plans may jeopardize my being able to take the job if I were to be chosen. This led me to the idea of going home directly after my last final exam, getting home in time for Thanksgiving, as it is my favorite holiday, and spending a few weeks home with family and friends, getting my fixes of everything I am missing horribly here. I would then return to the Dominican Republic, only to leave for Puerto Rico right away to join some friends there for Christmas and New Years, after which I would return to the Dominican Republic either to attend university for another semester or would move to Washington DC if I were to be accepted into the internship program. These choices have added quite a bit of stress on my shoulders, causing me to think even less about my current university courses. As an incredibly indecisive person, these final decisions are the hardest of all the choices I have had to make since I arrived here in August. Both decisions hold great value for me and both contain experiences I do not wish to miss out on, but I know in the end I will have to choose one. This is my predicament.